Jennie's MS Journey

I learned a big lesson on this one. Kids are smarter and more observant than we sometimes realize. When I was first diagnosed my immediate reaction was to protect the kids by telling them as little as possible. My dad had just died and I thought that was enough for them to handle at that moment.

I was getting the infusions and would come home and be sick for a few days after. I figured I could fight through it and kind of pretend everything was cool. A friend would always come early to take me and then bring me home. After a couple months I started getting questions asking why my friends were taking me to the doctor and why I was tired or why I couldn’t fly to see their cousins…etc. I would say things like mommy isn’t feeling great or we just like to hang out. Apparently I’m not such a smooth operator because I went in one night and one of my girls was crying asking me if I was going to die. She had read a book at school about cancer where the mom dies and had seen a medical paper in the mail (darn I thought I was being careful;). Anyway, the older kids thought I had cancer and was going to die. So for months I’m thinking I’m doing them a favor and what I was really doing is terrifying and scaring them. I did my absolute best to fix it but to be quite honest it did some damage to the trust factor. I made a mistake with the best of intentions but my advice would be to just tell the kids because they will create something much worse in their little minds.

So when the medication didn’t work for me, this time I was more straight forward. I told them the medicine didn’t work like we had hoped and so I wouldn’t be taking it anymore but the daddy and I would let them know hen we decided what we would try next. I was not going to die but that to feel right I probably will have to do some thing else.

A few weeks ago we told them that I may need to go to Chicago around Feb/March for 2 weeks and then another couple weeks because the best doctor was there that could help. They did not like the idea of me going away, that is for sure. Mistake #2, I basically have never left my kids except for a funeral and a few days one other time so they are not comfortable with me gone and even less comfy with Matt and myself away together. We moved around a lot and I’m not as trusting as I could be of others taking care of my kids. I’m going to have to get over that STAT and unfortunately so are they.

Once we got over that I would have to be in Chicago, I broke the news that I also would lose my hair but that the hair would grow back. Sooo, this is where things MAJORLY fell apart. I got a lot of u are going to die panic (again). I assured them I will not die and that this will actually allow me to live with more energy and once I recover can be a better mom for them..etc. We did our best. Matt stepped in to help out and it settled down after some time. My youngest was totally fine though. She said she would agree as long as she picked the wig and to be prepared it will look exactly like her hair. That was pretty funny. Quite a difference between 2nd and 4/5th grades. They are still taking it in. I wanted to wait to tell them but it was getting around and I feared they could inadvertently hear it from someone other than me. Although I still hope people do not discuss around my kids right now.

So Im feeling bad the kids are stressed so we are going to surprise them and take them out of school next week to go do something fun in Southern California. When all else fails, go on vacation…..